Fighting for my life and giving back to women fighting for theirs, made me a Hero – according to my children.

via Instagram by Tambu-christel.

We dont just sit and brag about the things we have!! I have been donating my persomal “things” and encouraged my surrounding to do so for years. In addition to the monthly contributions from me to organizations of my choice… we don’t just “post” to brag or flash… we also share, give and LOVE!! 💯👌

I have been VERY fortunate to come accross organisations that helped me when my son Daniel died. Grieving your first child is horrid. Your own flesh that you give birth too and raise. I had to find ways to help other women like myself then and I do each year. //

I was surrounded with care, love and attention from my home country when I fell victim of domestic violence. I met the most beautiful women with yet the most horrible stories when all they did was to believe love, marriage and family was happiness and fullfilment although it’s work. So, each year I play my part and give back to my beautiful mamas out there. //

I have marched various protests. //

I have walked along other families and my children distributing flyers when a neighborhood child went missing. // 

When my children tell me that I am their hero it is NOT just because I am cool and young at heart. It is NOT just because although I lived some mess, I graduated from University. It is NOT just because I am all about creating new business. It is NOT just because I stay camera ready and glamourous. It is NOT just because I raised them as a single mum. //

I am their hero because I gave them AND showed them MORE than money can buy!!

Love Tam.💛💜💙💚❤

MESSAGE: “Girl, you are beautiful.”


via Facebook by Tambu-christel.

Girl, you are beautiful. Not your face. Not your body but your soul. 

The way you smile, the way you laugh and the way you are. Pure Gold and light.

This!! I always tell people that I don’t like when anyone calls me beautiful because beauty fades. If you want to grab my attention you gotta come up with real compliments such as intellect, culture, various abilities of your choice that I may have to you, values and mannerism you see in me, reference to anything related to education. Maybe you love the way I handle my home and children. 

I do take care of myself. I like looking cute, smell good and have a clean cut style so I am aware that you will notice BUT do not approach me until you see more in me more in me than “Beauty”. 

What is the use of beauty in raising these kids?

What is the use of beauty in paying these bills?

What is the use of beauty is cooking these meals?

What is the use of beauty in overall things that truly matters?

Thank you for your compliments. I truly appreciate them but flattering my ego with a stupid amount of remarks about my look is a hell NO on the low. The people who know me in real life, already know but for those I will never meet – keep this in mind if you are persuing a keeper in real life 🖒💛

With love,

Tam.

MESSAGE: “Men I previously dated were not ready for the things I was ready for.”


via Facebook by Tambu-christel.

MESSAGE TO YOUNGER GIRLS FOLLOWING ME – I can honestly say that it came a time where I would entertain unhealthy situations with men and when things didn’t work out, I thought I was to blame. However, this is how I finally came to realise I wasn’t: 

Although I am not perfect, I am the type of wife/girlfriend that would care for you, your well being, your business, your children. You family becomes mine so I do the same for them. I will ride for you in the highs and lows and comfort you when you need strength. These among so many other things. Of course, I will present myself well. BUT… THESE MEN ….weren’t ready for it at that time. Some never had that so they didn’t know how to handle it. Some went to the extend of fearing I was here to trick and trap them into other things. I never belittled them even when they were clear f**k ups. I am not the partying type. I would even “ask permission” on certain things.

Time past and E.V.E.R.Y. S.I.N.G.L.E. O.N.E of them returned!! They had to go out and see “what these girls do out there” to realise I was jewel!!! If they blocked me on some places, they unblocked me with a “Hey big head”. If I blocked them somewhere they would message me from another platform with a “Baby I miss you”.

Ladies, you are NOT necessarily the problem. Some guys don’t know how good they have it. Especially in this generation!! Again, I am not perfect and neither are you… but if you are like me reading this? Just know that the right one WILL BE READY for you and take you off the market without a doubt! Do not go back to people who did you wrong when the only thing you were guilty of was to love them and cater to them in a world where all the odds are against them!! 

It is hard when you BELIEVE to be in love but DO NOT GIVE THESE GUYS THINGS THEY DO NOT DESERVE!! Only your HUSBAND should have all the things I mentioned above and more!! KEEP YOUR GOODS AND GIFT FOR YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND!! For, only him will be worthy!!

Love, Tam ❤💚💙💜💛

Men with “inflated egos”

Via facebook by Tambu-christel

Children, 

As I grow into my personal womanhood I see the mistakes I have done in the past and some I still do but try to break away from. Today we’re gonna touch #InflatedEgo in men.

DISCLAIMER – I AM SHARING ALL THESE POSTS WITH YOU BECAUSE IT MAY HELP SOMEONE. I MAY NOT SAVE LIVES BUT I KNOW THAT MANY WOMEN STRUGGLE TO FIND THEIR OWN VOICES BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE WHAT MEN SAY “A WOMAN SHOULD BE” AND WHAT THE GOVERNMENT DICTATE WOMEN TO BE LIKE.

I was raised to be educated but a lady too. I am not one of these women acting like “dudes/ one of the guys” type. I am a lady and I am very feminine. In terms of relationships I was raised to have excellent home training and be a “traditional” wife that can do all that yet “stay in her lane” and let the head of the house just that, the head of the house. As a person, I am kind. I uplift people. I encourage them and push them to carry on believing in their beliefs. If a person feels bad or have a moment of doubt in themselves? I will make it my duty to cheer you up and bring out all the qualities about you/them.

However, I personally went as far as giving compliments to people that they didn’t deserve because it was not appropriate at a particular time to tell them “n**ga you ain’t shit”. I endured things that I know they would never tolerate from me if I did it to them because I though “Let this one go. It’s not about winning all the time”. I have been with people (also in friendship) just because I didn’t know how to break it down to them that I no longer felt we could be friends so I allowed them to treat me as though I was stupid because I could see how important it was for them but they had no clue I truly didn’t give a f**k anymore. Meanwhile, they thought they had me and were pulling some type of strings. 

I know who I am and how I operate very well. Like everybody, I doubt at times and I have to reavalute my perspectives and objectives. But, I am so much more intelligent that let it be known. I need to start trusting my own intellect sometimes! As for the people I deal with, I can tell where their emotional and intellectual abilities stop. When I feel like you are very limited with your thoughts process and/or know better but purposely chose to act ignorant knowing that that very ignorance would affect people around you ESPECIALLY those who cared about you? Makes you a premeditated serial emotional killer and abuser. I can’t mess with them mind sets.

I’m the type play along though (don’t ask me why) until one day we just don’t talk no more. Natural course of life.

Also, don’t forget that I studies #psychology and law because I was always fascinated by human behaviour. The good. The bad. Values. Upbringing. Home training. Standards. Psychopaths vs sociopaths.

My personal issue is that I fell victim of past abuses where people “conditioned” me to be/stay in a certain place hence why I am now growing and learning to put all the pieces back together but yes… I see y’all 😏😉

Lifting your men, or whoever in your life, up NOT a bad thing but know your limits, balance or if they even deserve all that. Inflated egos and narcism can be dangerous. Encourage your men at all cost but be careful you don’t create a monster (read below):

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) lists 9 criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD):

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance.

2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

3. Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people

4. Requires excessive admiration [regularly fishes for compliments, and is highly susceptible to flattery].

5. Has a sense of entitlement.

6. Is interpersonally exploitative.

7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.

9. Shows arrogant, haughty [rude and abusive] behaviors or attitudes.

I believe the most obvious reasons for an inflated ego are:

1) unrealistic expectations regarding one’s own goals, performance and that of others. Inflated egos expect a lot from themselves and want to show the world how great they are. If they fail to do so and their most important social need is not met, they tend to blame others and see the world as unjust.

2) a deep feeling of being “not enough”. To compensate for that feeling, people with inflated egos show of the nine traits discussed above.

What all inflated egos have in common is their neediness. Instead of being socially independent and don’t depend too much on other people’s opinion and praise, inflated egos need the admiration and attention of others. They “care” about other people in a very different way than people with a healthy self-confidence. While the latter have a sincere interest in other people’s opinions and expertise without being anxious to know less or look “less successful”, inflated egos care only about how they look like next to other people, always searching for a way to prove their “importance”. Inflated egos hate being ignored, they need attention and they dislike people who disagree with them. They cling to their point of view and are unable to grasp, or accept, those of others. Unable to understand or be compassionate to people they disagree with, their overall attitude is likely to be both critical and dismissive.

People with inflated egos or narcissism often have a poor emotional intelligence. Not necessarily because they can’t see other people’s needs and point of view, but because they simply don’t care. Their capacity is “full” of their own needs and opinions.

Healthy egos, on the other hand, have both the ability and inclination to direct their attention outside themselves. More confident, and so nowhere as defensive as those with inflated egos, they’re far more likely to understand, and sympathize with, the experiences of others–especially those unlike themselves.

Thank me later.

FYI: It’s nice to read that I have a healthy ego but I am a tad narcissistic! I blame the power of selfies!! 😉

Losing value of self due to unhealthy past situations.

via facebook by Tambu-christel

Some of us women have lost the value of ourselves due to series of unhealthy relationships. Verbal abuse from our parents, family members, friends and overall people that mattered to us the most. You perhaps were bullied at school and/or by people (men and women) in your entourage growing up. Some of you/us may have never noticed the effects it truly had on us. We grew to encourage and/or entertain dysfunctional situations with our partners, new friends, our children and/or family members not knowing that we carried pain and burden that were too hard to bare.

I personally didn’t live all that but I did encounter dysfunction and sometimes it gets so deep that it becomes “comfort” as if these situations are all we know. Well children, it is NOT and you are truly free to break these chains. It seems hard. It feels very challenging but you owe your yourself to love yourself.

Have a safe healing and thanks to all my friends ❤ for all that you are currently doing and/or have done in the past to help a sis get to new levels of understanding. Love you all always.

INSPIRATIONAL STORIES: “My parents arranged a marriage for me.”

Via facebook from Jesicca Beavers in Autralia.

**Please excuse her english. I will not auto-correct it as I want it to be authentic to what she wrote. Regards, Tam.”

My family arranged marriage for me when I was 13with a guy he was 16 years old I never met him in my life and I won’t have a clue how he look till the wedding day I suppose, I was have no choice my family won’t let me go anywhere not even on to the local shop, and again in Java young marriage is very common and family arrangements mean for us to get the best partner. Long story short, -4 my wedding day ,all I have was little bit money, flip flop, and the pijama that I wore, I said I’m going to see my friend in neighbourhood, soon as I saw public transport I jump in it, I have no destination, no plans I just don’t want married. That was back in 1999, I stay homeless in buss station for 3 weeks, lucky I meet good people, store owner, they give me job and clothes during my homeless time, selling newspapers, peanuts, cigarettes I make 10 cents a day and that was wooowww back then I feel rich 😁 then I met a lady who is maid agency she took me, give me job as a maid and that when all my life begins. 2 years as a maid, then I start work for restaurant and hotels, able to study, and finally work for western company, I never return home till 10 years later, lots of thing happens in 10 years, and I’m glad I took that decision. When I’m back now in my hometown I saw my school friends they have 2-3 growing kids, have no time to look after them self, struggled with financial and have no confidence in themselves, I’ve learned so much from it. Bottom line is if we not take control of our life then the life control us. No one can change our destiny but ourself. And I’m glad I follow my gut that day. 18 years since I run away from home I met the man I love and I married to him back in 2014 I’ve never been happier. Right now I live and study Midwife in WA and my life is fantastic. This is the story that will remains in my heart forever.